She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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