the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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