i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
