Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
