BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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