I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize