what day is it and did you see me today?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
