I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
