Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize