Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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