i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
