Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
