One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
