The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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