I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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