her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
