can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
