He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize