when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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