dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
