one two three fourrrrnication!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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