his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I need a burrito and a hug.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
