i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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