Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize