So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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