need another drink. this is the easiest way
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
