I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
