hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
