May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This is the high leading the old right now
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
