Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
its not stalking. its research.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
