she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
