is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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