Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
