Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
