girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
