Don't make out with my wife yet
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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