you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
