Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize