if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
