if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
