I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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