if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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