They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
