HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize