Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize