and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize