I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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