1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
