It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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