You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Floor bacon is actually really good
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
