You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
