You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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