how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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