Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sext me about skeletons
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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