New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
