just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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