five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
