checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
