We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I understand Curling. That high.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
