That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
