I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
