awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
