I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
