yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
