my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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