Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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