If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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