i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Found your dick twin last night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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