Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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