This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
