Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
