Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
