I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It's just like the Real World with babies
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
