i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
