Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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