remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
