Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
