so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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