These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
