Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize