Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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