Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
