so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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