'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
not ubering you a puppy
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
