I'm lost and stupid without you.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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