just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
