I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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