U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
