You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
