She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
