At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize