Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
