I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
