he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
