felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
