This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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