The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
