tell your sister to shave her snatch
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
