You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
