Who wears a wallet chain?!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
