Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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