Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Randomize
