Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
